I see where he's coming from. I see that he went fast and was really just excited about the relationship and that it wasn't until he really had to work on the relationship that he really found what LOVE is. He just happens to be lucky that he found a woman who saw that he was malleable and that she was patient.
In all honesty it takes a lot of work to keep a happy healthy relationship. And you can say you have been in love a million times in a million ways but when it really comes down to loving, truly loving them, it's different then just saying the words.
I may not be married. I may not have had that many years on this planet. I may not have had as much time to figure shit out as others - but what I do have is my own life and experiences which have been many in my short amount of years. I have always had wisdom beyond my years and while that has helped me along it has also hindered me. Even the best gifts go wasted sometimes.
What I have to say on the topic of love, after reading this particular article is this:
People often take poor care of themselves - we are our own worst critics, we beat ourselves up about mistakes, we often take our own achievements for granted - the trouble is when we see our partners as extensions of ourselves we start to treat them like we treat ourselves. Poorly.
We are often blind sighted to the needs of one another and soon there is a revolving door of negativity. This doesn't need to be so. When you acknowledge your actions and how they affect those around you, when you value yourself more, you can value you others more. You can share love rather then bitterness, you can reshape your life through kindness and caring. Through the simple act of loving.
Loving, in a relationship, is more then just an emotion. It is taking action to show that you care. It is what you do for that person and what you do for yourself. Love isn't a dozen roses. Love isn't expensive dinner. Love isn't between the sheets.
Love is imperfects, idiosyncrasies, and takes effort. Love is doing whats best for both of you rather then what you want to do. Love is taking out the trash without being asked and not expecting anything in return. Love is realizing how the other person feels and doing what you can for them. Love is more then just being happy all the time. Love is unconditional and rewarding in and of it's self.
I think it takes time and mistakes to learn what life's about. Love is no different. I used to think that love was a struggle. That you had to make mistakes and tough it out and deal with it, learn from it.
I thought I had to deal with so much struggling because love was worth it in the end. I thought if I just kept with it. If I just tried harder..... But really that just kept me in a miserable place.
What I didn't realize is that while love takes effort it shouldn't be draining. Love isn't thinking so much of the other person before yourself that you are self sacrificing to the point of exhaustion. Lessons learned - Love takes balance. Because love between two people needs to be a shared effort. If you are helping them out they should be helping you out.
Love can be a one way street but ideally it's a shared path. One that might have been lightly walked before but has become a different landscape due to new plant growth, maybe it's and full of weeds and thorns, maybe there are fields of daisies. You don't know until you walk down that path.We try to tread a new path but often find ourselves in the same places we've been - and if we're smart we learned from before and we make different choices this time around. While not dwelling on the past we use it as a dim light to guide us.
We can hold hands through the thickets so if we stumble someone's there to help us back up again. Someone who loves us, who won't belittle us for falling, who won't judge us for crying, who won't think twice about bandaging our wounds, who won't let go of our hand and run, even when they are scared.
Love is understanding how the other person feels and respecting that they feel that way - even if it seems unfounded. That is putting them before yourself - it's not cleaning up after them and being resentful about it.
At this point I have exhausted the topic for myself so I shall end with no real well rounded statement of conclusion. After all we can never know where one story ends and another begins.
